Target Announces New Streaming Service from Security Camera Feeds

Target Announces New Streaming Service from Security Camera Feeds
Jack Jack
Founding Member, President Trump's Strategy and Policy Forum

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The summer blockbuster has evolved into the the summer binge-watch, and retail giant Target (TGT) is pivoting from purveyor of cheap plastic towel racks to one of host of new platforms developing streaming content this year. Just like Apple TV+, CBS All-Access, and the House of Mouse’s massive DisneyPlus, Target will be leveraging its existing assets to fill streamers’ increasing appetites.

The platform dubbed “Target+” will provide thousands of hours of unaltered security cameras footage from Target retail stores across America. Senior Vice president for Programming and No-Crease Khakis Sean Arbuckle is proud to announce the panoply of genres Target+ has to offer, “There’s the classic drama, a middle-school girl screaming at her mother over a ill-fitting bikini top; comedy from the variety of overweight customers lying to themselves in the changing rooms with a pair of budget skinny jeans; and our exclusive culinary content that we’ve co-produced with many of our embedded Pizza Hut Expresses,” Mr. Arbuckle is counting on siphoning viewers form David Chang on Netflix to “watch [Junior Associate] Justin [Doescher] lazily turnover the breadsticks in the warmer.” He adds that a spinoff, Target+After Dark, is already editing thousands of hours of footage from the “sexy mischief” taking place daily in the men’s room stalls.

Executives like Mr. Arbuckle hope to re-introduce the brand to customers who previously only entered the store to pick up off-brand candy to sneak into the movie theater next door in the mall. However, media critics remain skeptical, as a similar product developed by Walmart, the mystery-drama “Who Shat in Aisle 6?”, was received relatively poorly.

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