Technology

Arby's Introduces Roast Beef & Cheddar with Extra Blockchain

ATLANTA, GA - Maybe the perfect topping on a “mountain of meat” really is a secure, decentralized currency; at least that’s what Arby’s (ARBY) is counting on with the launch...

People Cheese Startup Acquires Maternity Wards Throughout State

LANCASTER, PA - A darling of the food technology space, DareY (pronounced “dairy”), rapidly accelerated their growth this week through the purchase of multiple maternity wards in Eastern Pennsylvania. Although...

Samsung Contracts Del Taco to Maximize Galaxy Foldability

LAKE FOREST, CA - After a major setback in launching the new Galaxy Fold line of phones, Samsung (SSNLF) has returned to the drawing board with aided by Del Taco’s...

TurboTax, Wesley Snipes Lobby Congress for Tax Reform

SAN DIEGO, CA - Politics often make strange bedfellow, even strange spokespeople, and tax law reform is no exception; Intuit (INTU), parent of TurboTax has teamed with actor Wesley Snipes...

Panhandler Extends Omni Channel Presence

AUSTIN, TX - As the digital revolution continues to spread, tech-savvy individuals in every industry have found success – and panhandling is no exception. Bivouacked on Red River Street between...

Fox Revives 'Firefly' After Finding Trove of Unread Letters; 'We Didn't Know People Wanted This'

LOS ANGELES, CA - Stunned Fox executives hurriedly green-lit production of new episodes of beloved former television franchise Firefly on Wednesday after they realized that there had been nearly two...

Embattled Boeing Taps Ghost of Howard Hughes to Design, Pilot 737 Replacement

CHICAGO, IL - “There’s only one man we considered for the job;” announced Boeing Chief Executive Dennis Muilenburg, “Howard Hughes may have died over 40 years ago, but he’s still...

Philadelphia Returns to Wampum Currency to Combat 'Cashless' Retail

PHILADELPHIA, PA - This old school, physical currency might be the next wave of a more egalitarian economy in the City of Brotherly Love. Amid the trend of ‘cashless’ coffee...

Inessential Oils Startup Fails to Gain Traction in Local Facebook Group

GREENSBORO, NC - Despite a fervent marketing push across social media, recent inessential oils startup Scentique is struggling to break into the lucrative ecosystem of the Greensboro Buy/Sell + Small...

Tesla Board Replaces Elon Musk's Phone with Speak & Spell

PALO ALTO, CA - Following another contentious bout between Elon Musk and the Securities Exchange Commission, the Tesla (TSLA) board voted unanimously to replace their Chief Executive’s phone with a...

IBM Rebrands Red Hat, Will Focus on Legacy Windows 98 Support

ARMONK, NY - Accelerating cloud computing was the goal when IBM acquired Red Hat(RHT) last October, and now the technology giant has announced that the former open-source darling will be...

Bezos Selfies had been Uploaded on Amazon Prime for Weeks Completely Unnoticed

SEATTLE, WA - As the saga of Amazon (AMZN) founder Jeff Bezos’ divorce, and threats of extortion by the National Enquirer over his lewd selfies unfolds, perhaps the most startling...

Slack Changes Logo to the Yellow Sign

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Millions of Slack users noticed a change in the popular chat application Tuesday; the familiar hashtag (or octothorpe) icon had been replaced with a strange symbol,...

Apple Discovers that Underpaid Chinese Laborers Can't Afford $1,000 iPhones

SHENZHEN, CHINA - As Apple (AAPL) posts disappointing revenue projections for the coming year, mainly due to slower sales in China, analysts at the company have been scrambling to pinpoint...

Sexual Harassment Condoned at Uber to Temper IPO Expectations

SAN FRANCISCO - Having filed it’s S-1 with the Securities and Exchange Commission in the last days of 2018, the ride-hailing service Uber is expected to launch it’s initial public...

Facebook Sold Direct Messages, Sexual Fetishes to Pornhub

MENLO PARK, CA - it was another hard week for Facebook (FB) as it closes out a tumultuous year. It was revealed on Monday that the tech giant not only...

After Contentious Bidding War, Al's Liquor 'n' Loan Announces HQ2 Across the Street

LONG ISLAND CITY, QUEENS - After nine months of searching , Al’s Liquor n’ Loan as officially announced that they have chosen the northwest corner of 46 Ave and Vernon...

Amazon Raises Wages to $15; Only Redeemable through Prime Now

SEATTLE, WA - This week Amazon’s (AMZN) new minimum wage of $15 an hour went into effect for over 200,000 of its U.S. employees, but reactions have been mixed. Some...