People Cheese Startup Acquires Maternity Wards Throughout State

Jack
Jack
Founding Member, President Trump's Strategy and Policy Forum
People Cheese Startup Acquires Maternity Wards Throughout State

LANCASTER, PA - A darling of the food technology space, DareY (pronounced “dairy”), rapidly accelerated their growth this week through the purchase of multiple maternity wards in Eastern Pennsylvania. Although the startup has not disclosed the sums paid, sources close to the project estimate that DareY has spent over $100 million in its quest to sustainably produce cheese from human milk.

The deal allows DareY to source large quantities of otherwise unused human breast milk, fueling the company’s growth, as well as its mission, according to Chief Executive Officer Daniel Ziskie. “People Cheese, in addition to a plethora of human breast milk byproducts, can be a foundation of attainable, low-cost nutrition to combat the growing obesity epidemic. People cheese is also great for local economies, providing a steady, alternative source of income for new mothers and significantly reduces the deforestation needed for dairy-cow farmland.”

Meanwhile, residents throughout the state are preparing for the dynamic shift in the economy. As DareY and other human milk competitors forge a new path in food tech, many women find themselves the household breadwinners for the first time in rural Pennsylvania. “I thought getting knocked up at seventeen was the end of my career,” says Darlene Nickerson, former cashier at the CVS in Brunnerwood, PA, “but after pumping out five kids in the last seven years, I’ve made more money sitting at my pumps six hours a day than my husband, Daryl, makes at the lumberyard in a week.”

“I don’t really care for the DareY cheese because it tastes too much like my brand of menthols, but they give it to me for half off, though, so that’s nice.”

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